Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
