I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
