I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
