Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
