R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize