2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
do herpes really smell.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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