Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
