Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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