So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
