and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
