Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
