the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
