Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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