Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
