dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
