Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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