a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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