Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
