Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
