3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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