There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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