but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
