My sheets look like a crime scene.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
you would pick up someone in the library
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
