Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
