She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
