i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
