I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
