I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
ttyl tear gas
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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