I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
