none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
