If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
