It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
