dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
