some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
