Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
