and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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