I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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