The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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