i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
