I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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