you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
drinking out of a sandbucket again
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
