dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
