i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
