You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
it's great music for shaving your balls
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
