Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
