So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
