Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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