I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
