Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Randomize
