you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
