people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
