my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
