I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
