if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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