i jhust puked up my retainher.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
