i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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