Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize