Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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