I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Randomize
