My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
