Your mouth is God's brothel.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
