so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
