I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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