Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
